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You know when you've been...slimed

A pot of green slime was being scooped up tonight after it was covered in Peter Mandelson.

A spokesman for the slime said that, although naturally shaken by being forced to come into contact with something so unpleasant, the slime was determined to return to normal as quickly as possible.

"It all happened so quickly" said the slime, 55.

"One minute I was gently fermenting and bubbling methane, the next I was having to deal with the unpleasant aftershave of the notorious Mandelson. I mean, it's not as if you know where he has been- it could have been very dangerous".

The Spokesman added that despite its unsightly appearance, the Mandelson had been tested and found to have been only slightly toxic. "At no time was the slime in genuine danger, however unsightly the Mandelson might have been".

The slime was praised by a blue-green algae "It is astonishing how calm the slime has been, when you consider that the Mandelson could have been anywhere, and the skin toner and after shave that the Mandelson uses are both pretty strong, but slimey has been a real trooper- I am so impressed".

Several other single-celled creatures creatures have reacted angrily. One Amoeba criticised the handling of the security around the slime. "It is totally unacceptable that the slime was forced to endure this, it makes my endoplasm run cold to think that the slime could even have been George Osborned."

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